I just cut my nipple shaving
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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