i jhust puked up my retainher.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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