IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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