how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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