Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize