Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
