next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
