He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
