if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
