I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
