Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
