I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
