I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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