If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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