I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is wine microwaveable?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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