I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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