He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
