Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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