I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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