nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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