I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
