Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
