you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's shark week go big or go home
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
