chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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