DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
