New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
