i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
