Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
