I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
