Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
