I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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