we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
