Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
