i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize