What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
