you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
