I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and she was petting her beer can
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
