i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
