The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The air was thick with penises
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
