I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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