She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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