i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize