Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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