Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
