i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
