she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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