yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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