Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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