then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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