found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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