my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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