also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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