hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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