my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
