he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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