Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we're making bets on your personal life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
