Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
