God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
