If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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