I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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