if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
