would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
