I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
