I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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