We won't sleep together?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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