one might say we're banned from that church
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize