I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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