i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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