4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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