Someone shit on the floor
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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